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Saturday, February 4, 2012

Five Deus Ex Lessons for Wannabe Super Agents

Like how crawling out from a ventilation shaft into someones office and reading their personal e-mails, while the inhabitant of said office is looking right at you, is perfectly fine behavior and will not cause any suspicion at all.

I have managed to narrow down the five points that I think are the most essential for any super agent in the making.

1. Breaking and entering:

When trying to gain access to a building don't just go for picking a lock or breaking open a window like an amateur.

Instead you should look for a ladder or a ventilation shaft. All high security buildings will inevitably have an entryway left inexplicably unguarded.

And since we all know that all ventilation shafts in high security buildings must be large enough to accommodate a grown man and be covered with easily removable grilles, this is the obvious means of entry for any classy super agent.

Doors are for newbies

2. Cracking the code:

As a super agent you will often be called on to crack computers on door keypads (no, you can't just break the door, that would be unsportsmanlike).

Should your hacking skills not be pro enough for the task, then you need not worry.
People, especially those working for top secret organizations, all have the memory and common sense of a gold fish.

Not only are they completely unable to remember any password they are given beyond the time it takes to boil an egg, but they also have no qualms about writing down that password in an e-mail or on a notepad lying a couple of feet from the protected asset.

3. In the line of fire:

Even a sneaky super agent needs to be able to handle himself in a firefight. Should you find yourself under attack from private security guards, then you just need to remember that private security has only been trained in shooting at targets out in the open.

Simply get in a ventilation shaft (it's a high security building, there is bound to be at least two within 20 yards) and hang out as the guards fire ineffectively into the wall above the vent, vexed by the situation of having to depress their angle of fire by 15-45 degrees.

Not only that, the guards will try to solve this complex conundrum of vectors by going right up to the ventilation shaft entrance, emptying clip after clip into the wall in frustration as they go.
All you need to do is sit back and wait, then blast off their kneecaps when the opportunity presents itself.

4. Up close and personal:

Not every combat situation will be one resolved with firearms. A good super agent must be ready to take down his opponent with his bare hands as well.

In cases like these it pays to know about the phenomenon known as "temporary paralysis by awesome", which all security guards suffer from.

You see, as long as you can take down an opponent in a sufficiently impressive manner, such as tapping him on the shoulder and then punching him unconscious with a single blow to the head, then any fellow guards nearby will simply be too impressed to react while you perform this feat.

They'll carry on doing whatever they are doing, blankly staring at you as you brutally induce severe head trauma to their friend.

This will give you time to make for the nearest vent and prepare to bust some caps.

5. Elbow blades:

If possible, get some. They are great.

I'm a passionate gamer and lover of science fiction.

With more than 25 years of gaming and consuming sci-fi in every media form, I consider myself something of an expert.

I write reviews, impressions, opinion pieces and things that are just meant to make you smile.

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